Altered State of Consciousness

One month after Dana passed...

Altered State of Consciousness

Nothing now seems real
Going through the motions
not knowing what to feel.

My daughter’s dead
I say the words
-without a twinge or tear.

What’s wrong with me?
What can’t I see?
What feelings do I fear?

Relief from no more worry?
Belief she’s not in pain?

Where do I start
to heal my heart
never hugging her again.

I’m here, but I’m not really.
I’m getting through each day.

I’m eating but not sleeping
as in my bed I lay
awake at night
just wondering
what more could I have done?

Did I give up and let her go?
How come addiction won?

We fought for years - for decades
Each in our powerless ways.
Now comes the life without her here
for my remaining days

I’ll always be her mother.
I’ll treasure all we shared.

And still I pray
that again someday.
We’ll hug again somewhere…