My Story, Her Story, Your Story

From My Heart to Yours

My beloved younger daughter lost her 20 year battle with addiction in 2021.

She would have been 45 this July 24th.

I have written our stories for decades, and now on this platform, I feel I can share them all with you.

I put some of it in the first chapter of a book about us a year ago.

If you’d like a free chapter, please read and share to help yourself and others heal. This is the beginning of the chapter, and there’s so much more to share….

My Story

We all have our personal stories, the detailed narratives of our lives, as told through the filters of our family of origin, experiences and belief systems.

All of our accounts will hold examples of heartache, healing, hope and happiness. When addiction is part of the chronicle, heartache reverberates throughout.

I have always tried to see the “half full” part of the glass, and I continue to do so. “When there is life, there’s hope.”

I have always believed in God, Spirit, Soul, hope, prayer, and positive thinking.

What’s the alternative? Fear, anxiety, worry, despair, depression? Been there, done that, too. I prefer the former.

I have personally experienced chronic illness, eating disorders, infertility, codependency, separation, divorce, cancer, and loving several loveable and infuriating addicts.

The most challenging for me is remembering to breathe when my daughter relapsed, and learning to take care of myself as well as I have always tried to take care of others.

I married my college sweetheart, had two miraculous daughters, and lived the “white picket fence” dream for almost 20 years.

In 1988, I planned an intervention which sent my husband to the Betty Ford Center. When he returned home and continued to drink, we separated for 10 years and then divorced.

Our daughters, Kimmy and Dana, were 12 and 8 at the time he left for rehab. I included my older one in the intervention, but thought the younger was too little. I came to regret that decision. Dana was the one who would later need several interventions of her own (but that’s HER story).

I want to share all that I have learned – and all that I have since learned not to do - to offer whatever I can for healing – mine, hers, ours and yours.

This Substack is a message of hope, with personal stories (mine and others) mixed with practical suggestions for you throughout.

Skim through it, open it randomly, or find the post that fits your needs of the moment.

I’d like it to be your friendly hug when you need one.

Her Story

Dana loved all and was loved by all.

Her spirit transcended the limitations of her challenges.

Her life and legacy are gifts to all who knew her, and her memory is a blessing.

For those of you lucky to know her, this Substack is for you - as we all heal.

For those of you who have not yet met her, this is for you to share in the incredible light and joy and spirit that is Dana Heather Kroll.

Sadly, I had thought about my daughter’s eulogy for many years.

Not because I wanted to, but the addiction that claimed her life caused her to make choices that I guess I knew would eventually take her from us.

We all tried so hard - her loving family and many friends - to save her, but God had other plans.

As one of her friends said in the hundreds of condolence messages we all received:

“Just know she did what she was supposed to do here on earth. Know that she impacted so many so greatly that God had to call her to a higher place to touch more people and make more of a difference just in another way..”

I think her guiding my fingers as I write - is part of that legacy from beyond.

I feel her presence constantly, and many of these words will be hers to us all.

I believe she is helping me write this - for continued love and support as an Angel for all of us at that Table in the Sky.

God bless Dana.

God bless us all.

Your Story

My heart goes out to you.

The specific details of your life and how you have been impacted by your child’s addiction are personal to you.

However, the feelings – love, fear, worry, hope, dread, terror, anger, rage, disbelief, confusion, pain, heartache - are all the same as the ones I’ve felt.

Your actions or behavior may include –

attachment, detachment, loving too much, tough love, helicopter parenting, saving, rescuing, fixing, paying for, controlling, denying, minimizing, rationalizing, hating, judging, cutting off, numbing out, punishing, avoiding, connecting, disconnecting, lecturing, posturing, threatening, withholding, or some variation of trying to cope. So did mine.

You many have:

Been to therapy

Tried Al Anon

Seen your relationship suffer

Watched your other children in pain

Missed work

Had many sleepless nights

Your child may have:

Lied to you

Lied to others

Manipulate the system (any system)

Stolen from you

Stolen from others

Hurt themselves

Hurt others

Been arrested

Gone to jail

Lost jobs

Called you when suicidal

Tried to commit suicide

Taken to the Emergency Room

Been hospitalized

Been locked in the Psych Ward

Diagnosed with ADD or bipolar, depression, mental illness

Promised, changed, relapsed, promised, changed, relapse, etc.

You can pick and choose the relevant details, but whatever pieces you put together, we are all ONE.

Learning how to live with the slings and arrows of our child’s outrageous fortune is a lifelong challenge. It’s a constant struggle to survive – for both of you.

I believe Love is the Answer.

And it starts with loving yourself.

I’d love to know your story, too, and stay connected
in a heart-centered circle of compassion and empathy.

Please SHARE with anyone who could use the support.